Today’s topic is "Teaching about Divorce" from Matthew 19:1-15.
It is not an easy topic since the real life cases are so varied. And I am not a
priest or a pastor. Nevertheless this is my reflection on this topic.
This started when some Pharisees
came with an insincere intention. “… to trap him with this question: ‘Should
a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?’” (v.3). Jesus was
more than aware of how to answer such trick and shut them up with what we see here:
“He answered, ‘Have you not read
that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For
this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” (v.4-6, RSV).
God hates divorce. “’The man who
hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence
to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and
do not be unfaithful.” (Malachi 2:16, NIV). The question that the Pharisees
asked in the beginning shows their shallowness and wicked intention.
We need to understand the Judaism
background at that time, to look through the Pharisees’ question:
“Under Jewish law, a man can
divorce a woman for any reason or no reason. The Talmud specifically says that
a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he
finds another woman more attractive, and the woman's consent to the divorce is
not required… The position of husband
and wife with regard to divorce is not
an equal one. According to the Talmud, only the husband can initiate a divorce,
and the wife cannot prevent him from divorcing her.” (https://www.jewfaq.org/divorce).
Jesus is a revolutionary figure.
He defends the weak (in this case women who have no power to stay in a
marriage), the hopeless, the forgotten, the sinners etc.
Back to the scripture, I imagine,
what kind of couple that God intentionally joins together? Some girls got
pregnant before marriage and seem to have no choice but to marry their
boyfriends at a very young age. Other women were forced by the parents to get
married to ease financial burden. Some people were broken hearted and rushed
into a marriage with anyone who seemed nice. Could it be any couples who just by
their free will decide to get married? Some women are proud to have a good
looking wealthy man on her side. Some men chase after beautiful sensual women
to indulge themselves and boast in public just for pride.
But let’s take a look at some
references about marriage:
“Didn’t the Lord make you one
with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly
children from your union…” (Malachi 2:15, NLT). God wants holy descendants from
a marriage.
God warned Ezra the Priest, “The
land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its
peoples. By their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity
from one end to the other. Therefore, do not give your daughters in marriage to
their sons or take their daughters for your sons. “(Ezra 9:11-12). But they disappointed
God so much by intermarrying the pagans. God’s anger ended after they made a
decision, “Let us now make a covenant with our God to divorce our pagan wives
and to send them away with their children. We will follow the advice given by
you and by the others who respect the commands of our God. Let it be done
according to the Law of God.” (Ezra 10:3, NLT).
Apostle Paul tells in 1 Corinthians
6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
Yet in 1 Cor 7:14 Apostle Paul suggests a spouse to stay in a marriage if her faith
is not threatened. It was especially when someone became Christian while the
person was already in a marriage with an unbeliever. Nevertheless, in some
circumstances, he said this might happen: “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it
be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has
called us to live in peace.” (1 Cor 7:15, NIV).
When Daniel interpreted
Nebuchadnezzar’s dream, he saw a huge shining statue of a man whose feet
were made of iron and baked clay. He said, “This mixture of iron and clay also
shows that these kingdoms will try to strengthen themselves by forming
alliances with each other through intermarriage. But they will not hold
together, just as iron and clay do not mix.” (Daniel 2:43).
So in my humble opinion, just “Marriage”
itself holds not much meaning. But the same spirit towards God will do so
much. A Christian marriage is a very serious matter that Apostle Paul said, “This
mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
(Ephesians 5:32).
A marriage that God has joined
together involves His plan. God works towards it. “It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18). As the result, it will
bring true joy for the couple especially the man who finally finds a suitable
life companion and recognizes the connection. Let’s take a look at Genesis
2:21-23:
"So the Lord God caused the man to
fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the
man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the
rib, and he brought her to the man. 'At last!' the man exclaimed. 'This one is
bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called "woman", because
she was taken from ‘man.’”
The bond that he feels is deep, someone he longs and
needs in his life.
We learn about a union made by
God from Joseph and Mary. This remarkable couple accomplished God’s master plan
for saving the mankind through taking care of a holy infant born in their
marriage. Joseph helped and protected Mary wholeheartedly through any
challenges and danger. Next, Aquila and Priscilla who worked together with Paul
as a team to spread the good news in a difficult situation as early Christians.
They had the same vision and made their home a church for the community (1 Cor
16:19). Priscilla supported her husband with her knowledge as they both had an
in-depth understanding of Christ doctrine (Acts 18:24-26). David and the wise
beautiful Abigail who saved his hands from shedding innocent blood of the Lord’s battle and became his wife later
(1Samuel 25:23-34). Also not to forget Boaz & Ruth who cared for each other
sincerely and from their offspring, Christ came as a descendant of David (Ruth
4).
God granted mankind a free will to
make decisions, yet we must be very careful on what path we choose. “You, my
brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to
indulge the flesh…” (Galatians 5:13). As a Protestant, I believe not all
marriages were joined by God. Just like not all bad moments or sickness are
planned by God, but it can happen because of our own mistakes and sins.
Otherwise everything will be God’s fault and humans become blameless. In fact,
oftentimes, it is us the humans who push the marriage without godly
consideration but ask for God’s blessing.
Careless marriages can be very
destructive and dangerous. Sapphira submitted to her husband in manipulating the
Holy Spirit without any personal discernment of what was sinful and what was
godly. This union formed a conspiracy that brings them to a sudden death. Ahab
& Jezebel the leaders of Israel who served other gods. “…No one else so
completely sold himself to what was evil in the Lord’s sight as Ahab did under
the influence of his wife Jezebel.” (1 Kings 21:25). Both Ahab and Jezebel were
killed violently because of their sins. Samson who trusted a wrong person to
become his wife. He loved her so dearly but Delilah was the one who handed him
over to his enemies for money and eventually brought his death (Judges 16).
Today marriages and families
could traumatize many people. The violence and oppression to the weaker party
especially women and children happen a lot behind the closed door called 'home'. The United
Nations Office on Drugs and Crime shows data of 2020:
"47,000 women and girls worldwide
were killed by their intimate partners or other family members in 2020. This
means that, on average, a woman or girl is killed by someone in her own family
every 11 minutes. Women and girls in all regions across the world are affected
by this type of gender-based violence. With an estimated 18,600 victims, Asia
is the region with the highest number of victims in absolute terms, while
Africa is the region with the highest level relative to the size of its female
population." (https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/statistics/crime/UN_BriefFem_251121.pdf)
Divorce did exist in the bible.
But it was a devastating circumstance. That’s why Jesus protects the weak party
from it. But to stay in a nightmare of a destructive marriage is also very dangerous. It’s better to avoid a broken marriage than to deal with it. So this message is for those
who plan to get married. Do not rush until you are sure that it is God who
joins the two of you. It means, it is
not just a light superficial relationship. This person should suit you very
well, support you to be the best of yourself and most importantly, the both of
you should have the same spirit to glorify God as you are going to be one flesh
formed by God Himself. This is important as you will have God’s mission through
your marriage. It will be a beautiful deep Christ exalting marriage, so that what
God has joined together, let no one split apart. May God bless you. Amen.
