Not as I wish

''For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.''- 2 Corinthians 12:20

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Paul’s Concern for the Corinthian Church

Reflecting on the pastoral heart of St. Paul and his fear of finding disordered behaviour within the Christian community, like quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. These actions that are contrary to the fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) listed by St. Paul in Galatians 5:22-23. 

Reflecting on Paul's writing and my own life. I’ve realized that I’ve often fallen short of the mark that Christ has set for me. I frequently quoted Scriptures to inflate my ego as a seemingly devout Christian, while still entertaining impure habits & thoughts. These unholy habits had kept the power of the Holy Spirit and Christ from being fully enthroned in my heart, leading me into a deep pit of despair over my fallen human condition. 

As the popular saying goes, “Jesus is either Lord of all in your life or not Lord at all in your life.” My unredeemed heart remained clouded by its sinful nature until one day, in Adoration, I heard the still small Voice of my Father-in-Heaven whispered: “My child, how long will you keep running from me?” 

Like the prodigal son, I decided to turn back, and wholeheartedly follow Him, in the footsteps of our LORD Jesus Christ at Gethsemane, who prayed with such intensity until his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down on the ground, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done.” (Luke 22:44) 

Let us also reflect on the humility of our LORD Jesus, who though being God, had humbled Himself, in human form, was obedient to our Father-in-Heaven to the point of death-even death on a cross.

I'll close my reflection with this short acoustic version of "Your Will Be Done".  May we at all times, seek the perfect will of our Father-in-Heaven and one day hear Him say with the glint of  Fatherly pride in His Eyes, “Well done, good and faithful child!... Come and enter my kingdom.”

Your Will Be Done 

[Verse 1] 

Your will be done, my God and Father 

As in heaven, so on earth 

My heart is drawn to self-exalting 

Help me seek Your kingdom first 

[Chorus]

As Jesus walked, so I shall walk 

Held by Your same unchanging love 

Be still my soul, 

O lift your voice and pray: 

‘Father, not my will but Yours be done.’ 

[Verse 2] 

How in that Garden he persisted 

I may never fully know 

The fearful weight of true obedience 

It was held by him alone 

[Chorus]

What wondrous faith, to bear that cross! 

To bear my sin, what wondrous love! 

My hope was sure, 

When there my Saviour prayed: 

‘Father, not my will but Yours be done.’ 

[Verse 3] 

When I am lost, when I am broken 

In the night of fear and doubt 

Still I will trust in my good Father 

Yes, to one great King I bow! 

[Chorus]

As Jesus rose, so I shall rise 

In ransomed glory at the throne 

My heart restored 

With all your saints I sing: 

‘Father, not my will but Yours be done!’ 

[Verse 4]

As we go forth, our God and Father 

Lead us daily in the fight 

That all the world might see Your glory 

And Your Name be lifted high 

[Chorus]

And in this Name we overcome 

For You shall see us safely home 

Now as your church, we lift our voice and pray: 

‘Father, not my will but Yours be done!’

Words and music by Jonny Robinson and Rich Thompson CCLI no. 7149566 

Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/8nLXXephYRI?si=Yr71-yf0lV4FsRf1

 Reflection on 2 Corinthians 12:11-21 by Chris Tan