"So the law was our guardian until Christ came that we might be justified by faith." — Galatians 3:24
Walking in Spiritual Darkness
Looking on the exhortations from the Apostle Paul, about the law being our guardian until Christ came. I recalled a dark time in my life (as a pre-believer) when my mind was held hostage by disturbing images of men and women being put through various forms of torture in the 18 levels of Hell, as per Taoist beliefs. I often woke up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat as I had recurring nightmares of dying and suffering in Hell for sins that I've committed in this life.
As I grew older, I found myself drawn towards Buddhist philosophies which seemed a lot more palatable, especially the karmic law of cause and effects. However, with that new-found philosophy, there came a new nightmare. I woke up in the middle in a cold sweat wondering what would happen to my soul after my death, what would happen to my beloved family members too? Would I be reincarnated into the body of a pig, a dog, or even a cockroach for all the evil things I had committed from a young age? There seemed to be a natural inclination towards evil inside of me, and I was really afraid of that evil nature.
However, as a pre-believer then, I found it ridiculous whenever Christian evangelists knocked on my door or approached me in public places, and said I was headed for Hell if I didn't believe that Jesus died for my sins. It drew an angry response from me and I often chastised them with this angry question, "Who has come back from the dead to report or support this ridiculous claim of yours? If you have proof, show it to me now or get lost!!!" I found it incredulous that men, women and children alike could believe in the incredible myth of a man who had died, was buried and was resurrected. Thus, I spent a good part of my young adult years ridiculing Christians and/or persecuting Christian evangelists who dared to knock on the door of my hardened heart. Although I had not known it then, God was already working behind the scenes to extend His Grace to me and my family.
Coming of faith in Christ
The first inkling of this unseen Fingers of Grace first revealed itself in 2003, when shortly after my father's death, my uncle visited our parents' home and delivered stunning news. He shared that about 2 weeks before my dad's death from cancer, the Holy Spirit prompted my uncle to visit his oldest brother, i.e. my (late) dad, to share the gospel with him. Of course, my uncle received the prompting with fear and trepidation. My dad, being the oldest sibling in the family of 6 boys and 2 girls, was known for his explosive anger and tendency to use expletives towards whenever he was triggered. Unknown to me then, my dad was actually suffering from mental health issues which he had sought treatment in his 40s. I only recognized this in my own 40s after I was diagnosed with clinical depression and was prone to mood swings including expletive-laden angry outbursts towards people I care about. I have burnt more than one bridge with loved ones after an unfortunate outburst, including my ex-wife.
Back to the story of God's Amazing Grace, after my uncle said a fearful yes to the Holy Spirit, he still knocked gently on my (late) father's hospital ward. It was during the era of SARS in 2003, and there were many restrictions to hospital visits. The first sign that God was preparing the soil in my father's heart, was the sight of my (late) dad sitting up eagerly on his bed as if waiting for a visitor. My uncle was pleasantly surprised and walked closer to his bed so that my dad could hear him clearly. With fear and trepidation, my uncle asked my (late) dad in Hokkien, "Lu Zhai Ya Sor See Simi Lang?" (Do you know Who is Jesus). Expecting my (late) dad to explode in anger, my uncle was pleasantly surprised as my (late) dad vigorously nodded his head and told my uncle that he had already told him about Jesus. This was the next surprise that the Lord of the universe had pulled on my uncle, a long-time believer in Christ and prayer warrior for his family's salvation because as far as he recalled, this was the first time he had mentioned Jesus to his oldest brother, i.e. my father. So he proceeded to lead my dad to say the sinner's prayer in the hospital which was momentarily transformed into Holy Ground where the Holy Spirit of God was truly present.
Two weeks later my dad was called home to the Lord. He had Buddhist funeral rites and his ashes are inside a Buddhist Temple together with my (late) grandparents and 2 of my uncles' ashes. As I was still a staunch Buddhist and still grappling with my father's death, with my own wedding only 4 days after, I took the news rather angrily but didn't confront my uncle then as my mom was already too distraught and tired from the funeral proceedings.
It was only 2 years later, after God engineered a Circuit Breaker in my right brain, i.e. an acute right-brain stroke at the age of 33. I reached the end of my human ropes, that I was brought unto my knees to acknowledge the sinfulness of my heart. Finally, the Lord had softened this heart of mine to welcome Him as the Lord and Savior of this once proud and sinful heart. My uncle was overjoyed that I had finally become a treasured child of God, and warmly invited me to join him and his family to worship in Bartley Christian Church.
He also introduced me to a friend of his, a godly older man, who invested a whole in weekly bible studies and prayers. He knew of my marital troubles and prayed frequently for God to engineer a miraculous turnaround in my marriage situation. This man of God never failed to amaze me with his enormous faith and prayerful spirit. When I knew him, he had been in between jobs for many years and still had a young family to support, yet despite all these daunting challenges, he never failed to encourage me with praises for God or cease praying for me. I was reminded of how Paul loved his spiritual child Timothy and constantly wrote words of encouragement to the young pastor to a young and persecuted church, even when he himself was a prisoner for Christ.
Looking back, there's been many twists and turns in these 16 years of walking with Jesus, and I know that though my (late) dad and I are separated in this life, I know the Blessed Assurance that one day, we shall reunite in the Heavenly Mansions where Jesus had gone ahead to prepare rooms for each of us. I will close with the beautiful words of this classic funeral hymn, Blessed Assurance…
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
Reflection on Galatians 3:23-29 by Chris Tan
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